Monday, March 12, 2012

Up thinking...

After a wrong pursuit- be it relationships or other- you will not feel validated. You will want closure and you'll want to feel resolved but none of those healthy relational elements can evolve from an unhealthy relationship. Everyone just wants to feel that their feelings are understood, their point of view is understood, their motive, or whatever they've put energy into expressing. It's almost nuts to what extent we will go to create opportunities for the antagonist in our situation to fulfill that desire. Whether its staying in a bad relationship too long- hoping that with time it'll get better, dropping not-so-subtle hints to that person you want to apologize, going completely out of our way to receive that coveted, sincere 'thank you' that carries strong overtones of appreciation- these are all futile attempts to improperly communicate. Proper communication seeks to be direct in nature, without any shroud of ambiguity or ulterior motive. And unfortunately, the perfect storm for this is just not always going to happen. It's in the absence of open channels for proper communication in wrong pursuits that we must forfeit that consuming need for validation/closure/resolution, and resign to close the book ourselves. It will leave you feeling very unfulfilled - that feeling may stay with you quite a while. But know that abstaining from retuning to that previous situation will get easier by the day, and eventually the bridge between the pursuit and yourself will erode.

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